Reflection

I have been thinking a lot about how to wrap up this section of my life.  I finally did it.  I hit 30 cities before I'm 31.  This was such a fun time of my life and I would never ask to redo it.  It leaves me thinking, now what?  Some people need a "to do" list.  They like the feeling of being able to check something off.  I'm not sure how I feel about checking this item off my list.  It kind of makes me sad.  I have had some great memories and experiences this past 20 months.  I know it doesn't have to stop. There are still so many places to visit and revisit.  A day or long weekend in some of these cities just isn't enough.

But even in knowing this fact, it still leaves a "now what?"  I've been asked that question from several people and my answer is always the same, "Do you have any ideas?" I've thought about reading 31 books.  Or trying 31 new vegan recipes.  It just doesn't compare.  Then I think, well do you need to have a goal?  Do you always need to be pursuing something?  That just seems like you would settle for something, so I'm pretty sure I need something to work towards.  So, what ideas do you have for me?

For some reason the past several weeks the question "now what?" has created a fear to come over me.  Maybe it's my birthday and I look back and remember how great my 30th birthday was and how much love I felt that entire 2 week celebration.  My mom reminded me that my 31st birthday probably isn't going to compare---but I want it to.  I don't want this year to end. I don't want to cross off city 30.  But no matter how much I don't want it to happen, it will.

So what I can do is write about what I learned.

My family is always going to be the best and will always be there.  When I was younger I would sometimes wonder, "Why God did you put me in this family?"  Here's what I say now, "Thank you God for putting me in this family."  I am blessed more than I ever deserved.  At a moment notice my family is there for me.  I've grown closer to each person in my family this past year because I appreciate and love them.

When I was a jerk back in junior high, but Lauren still wanted to be friends and locker partners I had no idea that she would be my best friend.  There is no one else that I would want to experience a lot of these trips with.  In this year we realize that we no longer need gifts for birthday or Christmas, we need each other. We need to plan a trip on a yearly basis to just be us! 

I've learned what it means to live in a city!  I've made St. Louis work and I love it here.  I've met and have some amazing friends here in St. Louis.   I've never met anyone with a bigger heart than Amanda.  She is one of the most thoughtful individuals I know and is always thinking about how to give to someone else.  I've developed a passion for helping and serving others because of how involved Amanda is in St. Louis.  There are so many other friends from church to running that just love me and I'm thankful for them.  I hate to not write everyone's name, but you would need a snack in the process.

I've learned to always risk love because you never know when you might find that person.  I have also felt heartbreak this past year, but it only makes you a stronger more confident individual.  Here's the biggest piece I learned through that whole process, never lose yourself and I'm glad I didn't.  Is it tough?  Absolutely, but I kept my friends and my activities. My life didn't stop for someone else, they just fit into mine.  Again, never good but I didn't start over.  I just moved on which leads to my next lesson-- patience. 

I've learned that God does have a great plan and a story for my life.  I just have to slow down, be patient, and seek his plan.  By no means have I mastered this and will never master this.  I just hope that God looks at my heart and knows I'm trying.  One day I'll look back on this positive experience in my life and it will make sense on why God is letting me love this time of my life.  I mean LOVE it--I went to Europe for crying out loud.  To stand in awe of God in Europe---sign me up to do this again!

What's one more thing I just love--running.  I have no idea how that happened, but I might consider myself a runner now.  Mostly it's because of the social aspect and meeting friends to run.  It's a great time to also be by myself, pray, and clear my thoughts.

There have been some tough moments in this past year.  Threats of layoffs, employees, relationships to name a few, BUT my memories far exceed those other moments.

So, if you are still reading here is my question still looming over me:  "How does 31 get better than this?"  Do you have to top each year?

Thank you to EVERYONE who made this experience one to always remember!  I love you and each experience positive or maybe that's redo that!